I was in line last week to pick up Pumpkin Pie. The hallways outside the classrooms at this preschool are narrow and it is like waiting in line to pick up your preschooler in a submarine. All that is missing are those “pings” you hear in the movies. And Russian Sean Connery, of course. We try to make some semblance of a line, but you better not block the doorway or the preschool director will come out of her cave, I mean office and shoot lasers out of her eyes at you. To alleviate some of the congestion, Pumpkin Pie’s class is supposed to let out five minutes early and the other class is supposed to let out five minutes late. Of course they never do this and the end result is parents and siblings waiting five minutes longer to pick up their cutie pies.
So, I am waiting in line and I can’t help but notice another mom crowded in our parent-blob-wishing-it-were-a-line. She had on very form fitting black velour (yes, velour. It’s the New Jersey state fabric so get over it) yoga (?) pants. That in and of itself would be no cause for alarm, but this particular pair of
footless tights pants had the words “LOVE PINK” printed in oversized SEQUINED letters right on, you guessed it. Her butt. You would think that standing as cozy as we were I would have trouble seeing this, but nope. No problem whatsoever. I couldn’t NOT see this woman’s butt. It was hypnotic. I couldn’t look away. I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. She kept having reasons to bend over like to talk to her toddler or pick up her keys or show me her butt again. I guess it was a nice butt, especially for the submarine preschool pick-up crowd (No offense, folks I am one of you). So I am left with the question: Why on Earth would this woman wear these pants at all, much less to the preschool? I have thought about it extensively and I have come up with only one explanation. She is a really well adapted blind person. Or she can’t read. Ok, that’s 2 explanations. Take your pick. Either way I have to go bleach my eyes.