I spent way too much time searching the internet for Halloween costume ideas this year. Luckily Pumpkin Pie is easy, Spiderman. Duh. That costume is already here and being worn regularly. Pickles decided this summer that he wanted to be a snowman. At the time I thought that was hilarious and volunteered to make it myself. Ugh. I dunno, maybe there was bad air quality that day. Or maybe I had been drinking. Whatever, I am making the blasted thing and my dining room table is covered with chunks of white fleece. Sweet Pea, ever the pre-teen, wanted to be something scary. After extensive negotiations, our attorneys agreed on the grim reaper. Black hooded cape and fake sickle? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. That leaves us with the grown ups. My husband and I were invited to a neighborhood Halloween party and with all the snow man parts in my dining room, I was NOT making anything else myself. That led to the exhaustive costume internet searching and BOY OH BOY did I find stuff. I found stuff that made me say, “Whuck?”
- This first one I just have to show you.
Ruffled “Tanga panties” as part of (I HOPE there is more) a costume. These were at a national Halloween retailer too, not Lady of the Evening Land’s Fancy Pants R Us. I am not sure what outfit these went to, but I have an idea…
- “Sexy” women’s costumes. It was redundant to put the word “women’s” there because there exist no sexy costumes for men. I find ridiculous and insulting, I mean totally understand the sexy french maid and the sexy playboy bunny costumes. Those are sleazy to begin with and the point is to look like a lady of the evening (My kids might accidentally read this blog, people). So, you look like a lady of the evening. Mission accomplished. Get down with your bad self. Where I get lost is the sexy insects.
Drunken Halloween debauchery anyone? How about a haunted treasure hunt with the St. Pauli Monarch or S&M Lady(bug)? I guess their boyfriends could dress as Terminex guys. That would be funny.
3. Please compare S&M Lady(bug) with the men’s version: Whuck?
4. Aside from ladies of the evening and bugs busting out of their stereotypes, Halloween seems to make us want to do really weird stuff to our kids. Mine wore pretty tame costumes: sweet pea, dalmatian, superbaby, velour dinos and dragons. But I am clearly not as twisted, I mean creative as these parents:
Do you think they took him trick or treating or just laid him out on the dining table? I can totally imagine this kid’s mom cackling like a crazy person, “Brahahahahahahahaha!!! They thought he looked like a Butterball before! HA HA HA HA HA HA!” Crazy mom, you need a glass of wine and a nap.
5. I would be remiss if I did not share this last one with you. If we can dress our baby like a turkey, (get it, dress) look what we can do to our dog:
I know! I can’t believe someone thought of this before me. This is the awesomest thing to say “Whuck” about all day!!
Before I end I have to share one last photo. I may not buy the S&M Lady(bug) costume, but check out these also very fabulous ladybug shoes:
D’ya think they go with the guy costume?