Warning: Explicit Material! But, it is professional explicit material.
I am supposed to do 40 Continuing Education credits (approximately one hour of training per CEU) for my professional license every two years (I love how fancy professional license makes me sound. Sadly, I am hardly fancy and I have to wash my clothes when I get home from work because they inevitably smell like stale urine. And it’s not my stale urine, either). 40 hours every two years is pretty close to the number of hours of actual work I do every two years, but whatever. I am pretty sure a normal person would have access to trainings through work, but not me. I would have to hire a babysitter to go to a training I don’t get paid to go to and why on Earth would I do that? Duh.
I tackle this dilemma by subscribing to one of these online services that has courses you take on the computer (for a fee, of course). Most courses in the 1-4 credit range are Book Free meaning you download the article on “Mandatory Abuse Reporting”, “HIPPA Overview”, or “Boring Crap in Counseling” and then take a short test online
while you simultaneously look up the answers after intensive study. I happen to find mental health fascinating, but I have taken all the interesting 1-2 credit stuff and there are only dregs left.
Late last night under the influence of Halloween candy, I decided to take a 10 credit “Book-Based” course. I got my wild and crazy on and decided not to buy the book! I certainly couldn’t wait for a book to be delivered, this was an impulse thing (did I mention I needed 32 more credits in the next two weeks?) Amazon wanted $85.00 for that damn book and there was NO WAY that was happening. The course I chose was “Human Sexuality Today”. Way better than “Making Interesting Things Dull: A Framework for Practitioners”, right? I figured I get three chances to pass the 68 question test and they tell me which ones I got wrong at the end. I needed an 80% to pass. Giddyup!
I printed the test so I could keep track, then researched the answers I didn’t know on the super-scientific mental health search engine called Google. What I failed to recognize was that I would be Googling things that no self-respecting mother of three should be Googling. Here are some examples: brothel prostitution replaced by what, JH Kellogg invented what to curb lusts (Note: Yes, that Kellogg! He totally invented Corn Flakes as
part of some special no-lust diet for mentally ill folk!! I think that explains a lot about my reaction to Tony the Tiger.), penis anatomy, and lots of other stuff I really refuse to print here. It would be a miracle if I am not on some government watch list for pervs. I guess I should have bought the book. Of course, then it would be lying around my house and then my kids would be pervs. I have to go now and clear my recent Google searches. At least the CEUs taught me something. (Note: It only took me two tries to pass the test!)