I have probably mentioned that Sweet Pea plays
the trombone. This is his third year and he seems to really enjoy it, even if he didn’t practice for the Jazz Band Audition and made it anyway because five trombones tried out and they needed five trombones. How is he supposed to learn that he has to prepare for stuff if he stinks up an audition and makes it anyway? But, I digress…
an over pay-to-own a rent-to-own plan to get the trombone because we had met Sweet Pea before and knew there was a possibility that he would not stick with this instrument. This plan is where you pay every month and wind up paying something like 70% more than if you just bought the stupid thing up front. The obvious upside is that you can send it back after a few months if you want, or pay it off whenever, at a discount. The other upside is that there is insurance (cue evil laughter). Now it is over two years later and no end to the tromboning in sight, which is great! He has really hung in there and practiced and I am very proud to sit at those concerts and gush like Dizzie Gillespie’s mother. I guess it is time to pay for the thing so we can stop paying for the thing.
While considering this, I looked at the trombone. Oh. Em. Gee. It looks like a car drove over it or it fell down the stairs or was used by an ADHD tween for a couple of years. I am so not buying that thing! Then I remember (cue the evil laughter) it. is. insured! Squeeeeee!
Wait, oh crap. I bet this is going to be a real pain in the butt and they are going to make me jump through flaming hoops to get the thing fixed. Probably pay a deductible, give them one of the kids kidneys and how do I decide WHOSE kidney to sell? Oh well, I decided to call anyway. Sweet Pea even brought me the phone, so why not? Here’s where things get really weird. First, a real human being answered on the second ring. Second, he was friendly and knew what I was talking about. Third, and this is the really crazy part, he said he not only could, but would help me! (I know, it was like a customer service alternate universe!) I explained that howler monkeys had broken into our home and put an especially significant dent in the curved part of the instrument. Here is what he said:
Customer Service Angel: Oh, I can help you with that.
Me (with heavy disbelief): Reeeeaaaaalyyy?
Customer Service Angel: Is Sweet Pea at Our Town’s Middle School?
Me: Uh… Yes.
Customer Service Angel: We are there on Tuesdays, so have him leave the instrument with his music teacher and we will pick it up and then return it when it is repaired.
Me: You pick it up? And return it?
Angel (We are on a first name basis by this point): And the trombone is insured, so there will be no cost to you.
Me (Sound of crickets)
Me: No cost to me… Oh! That…That’s great! Is that it?
Angel: Yes. You are all set.
Me: You won’t be needing a kidney?
Angel: Pardon me?
Me: Oh? Did I say that out loud? I meant thank you very much.
So, Sweet pea takes the trombone to school on Monday, just like always and I. do. nothing. The trombone brownies fix the big monkey dent and I. do. nothing. I didn’t even have to get out of my chair to make the phone call! This is unprecedented. I think this is a sign that things around here are going to get a lot easier. I wonder who I call to access the laundry brownies. Or the toilet-cleaning brownies. Or the unload the dishwasher and walk the dog brownies. I suspect that the best I can hope for is chocolate brownies, but that’s really not a bad thing. Maybe I’ll put a little Nutella on them.