What I Learned in Atlantic City

Husband and I got a chance to get away for a night to Atlantic City.  Together.  Without little people.  I know, whuck?!  Husband’s fantabulous mother, Mamaw, held down Cloud 8 and made sure everyone was fed and went to school and had stories read to them and what not.  Husband and I even returned to a clean kitchen!!  It was transcendent.  Mamaw. absolutely. rocks.  No you can’t have her, I already have to share her with Husband’s siblings, so back off.

Anyway, while on this abbreviated vacation in Atlantic City, I learned a few things I thought I’d share:

That little round pillow was especially comfy under my neck!

 

 

#1  I love nice hotels!! Squeeeee!  We got to stay at the Trump Taj Mahal in all its AC gaudiness.  It was posh, luxurious and lovely!  I didn’t jump on the bed or anything (as far as you know), but I was soooooo excited to stay at a fancy hotel.  As soon as I got there I climbed into the bed with my book and read until Husband finished with his meetings.  I was so comfy with that cute round bolster pillow behind my head, then under my knees, then over my eyes while I dozed.  After the first 5 minutes or so I got lonely, but after the second 5 minutes I got over it.

#2 I don’t enjoy gambling. Husband says I am risk averse, but that is just him letting his CPA geek flag fly.  Really it’s that I don’t like doing stuff where I might risk losing money, duh. (Wait, is that the definition of risk averse?  Whatever.).  If I were to gamble, I would most certainly lose.  I know this because the Trump Taj Mahal is a lovely, lovely hotel owned by a rich, rich man with bad hair.  This lovely hotel has ginormous crystal chandeliers, zillions of dollars worth of marble flooring, and all Kohler fixtures in the bath.  I can guess how they pay for all that lovely… with the hard-earned gambling dollars of bozos like me.

What better way to spend down your retirement savings in a timely and efficient manner? Why, a Rascal, of course!

#3 It is important to take care of your teeth. I would say that 90% of the people hanging around the casino gambling were geriatric.  There may have been some young lovely people somewhere, but they must have been secreted away in the private lovely rooms because all I saw were great-grannies in velour track suits (of course it is New Jersey and that is our state fabric, it may be required).  Many of the gamblers were on Rascals so they could get from the Sex In the City Gift game to the Dean Martin Slot experience quickly.  The entire experience reminded me that I had better take care of my teeth because I want to look good when slip into my velour, hop on my Rascal and hit the casinos in 40 years.

Don't even think about sitting in his lap. It is verboten.

 

 

#4  The Golden Buddha amuses me. We went to dinner at Buddakan on the Pier in A.C.  It was ridiculously over-priced, but we knew that going in.  This restaurant has a giant gold Buddha in the front of the dining room.  He is actually kind of buff, his pot belly was virtually non-existent and he looked like he was getting close to a 6-pack!  I think that was a subliminal message about the health value of their food.  Or the portion size.

I was seated such that I could gaze upon the golden Buddha throughout our meal.  I did, too!  It made me happy to look at him.  There was a very large party whose table bumped right up against the Buddha’s pedestal, I thought they were super lucky and was jealous they got to be so close to him.  I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back there was a woman dressed in her sleazy party girl outfit fancy dinner clothes climbing over the velvet ropes to sit atop Buddha!  The hostess had her by the arm and was saying, Ma’am!  Ma’am!  You can’t climb up there! Even if you are really drunk! She was totally headed up there to give Buff Buddha a lap dance.

#5 The Donald is not especially quotable. There is a long hallway at the Trump Taj Mahal and it is lined with shops.  I think they call it the spice road or something else mildly Indian.  The shops all have glass fronts so I would have a full view of the beautiful displays of precious merchandise even when the shops are closed.  I also had a full view of a quote from Mr. Trump that someone convinced him to display on the wall of The Trump Exchange Store.  It says (I am NOT making this up):

I like things big.  You have to think anyway, so why not think BIG?  -Donald Trump

Seriously?  You have to think anyway? I would say that is arguable.  I am not convinced that anyone was thinking when they put that particular bit of text in 800 point Helvetica on the wall for everyone to see.  That’s the best they could do?  What fawning parasitic assistant convinced him that was a good idea?  Oh yes, Mr. Trump, we will take your words and make them really BIG because we know how you love big things and we will put those big words where everyone will see them and it will be the best big thing in the history of ever, Mr. Trump!  Yes it will!!

The cost of the bathroom in our room at the Taj alone could put one of my kids through college and you have to think anyway is the best they could do?  It kind of sums up the whole place for me.  Big gestures with little thought.  (And I didn’t even touch on the topic of the girls dancing in the hotel lobby.)  Thanks for the fun AC, and even though I really enjoyed the Golden Buddha I don’t think I’ll be back.  Not for 40 years, at least.

Photo Credits:  Hotel room from Trump Taj Mahal website, Rascal from Rascalscooters.com, Golden Buddha from hotels.com.