Things About Christmas That Displease Me: A List.

This is the view of our back yard from Pickles' window a few days after we moved last December. I can't believe I was able to even find the camera.

I have actually really been enjoying the lead up to Christmas this year.  I think a big part of it is that we are NOT moving this year.  Last year we moved on December 15th and it sucked HUGE.  3 days after we got into our new house it snowed 2 feet.  And it didn’t stop snowing until sometime near May.  Despite our best efforts Christmas was a shambles and I was exhausted.  I guess really we all were exhausted and out of sorts.  Even Doodle Dog.

So, this year I put the tree up early, bought (some) presents early, started making Christmas treats early and we have been thoroughly enjoying ourselves.  However…  (There is always a however with me, but you know that already, don’t you.) there are a few things that have displeased me…

#1  I am only interested in fun holiday activities.  Nothing else: Book Club Christmas dinner?  Right on!  Neighborhood martini-marinated ornament smackdown exchange?  Can’t wait!  The uninteresting and un-festive bore me into a catatonic state.  Fixing dinner?  No thanks unless we are having peanut butter chocolate balls with candy cane garnish.  Taking the car to the shop?  Ugh. Can we get a sleigh for a loaner?  What can I say, I am very festive.

Whuck? Who thought these migraine-inducing lights were a good idea?

 

#2  LED Christmas Lights: Now that I am old, I realize that I am a Christmas grouch purist.  Those LED lights are freaking me out!  They are certainly vibrant in color and all, but exactly who (whom?) needs that much color?  They give me a headache if I look at them too long and I want them all removed.

#3  Christmas Season Birthdays: Sorry December babies, I know it is not your fault.  But I simply must put a stop to this.  It isn’t because I don’t like you, it is quite the opposite!  I want to participate!  I want to have the time and mental energy to shop for the specific Lego set you want, take you out for coffee or maybe even buy you a card and get it in the mail before Valentine’s Day!  You all deserve better.  Aren’t you tired of getting hosed on your special day?  Wouldn’t you like a nice Christmas In June themed 1/2 birthday party?  I’ll make peppermint martinis!

I, too, have a zero tolerance policy on lack of Christmas Spirit. But, it is so freaking dark that I am going back into hibernation. So suck it.

 

#4  I have no tolerance for non-Christmasy spirit: This means I go from zero to 60 in 5 seconds if the boys argue or someone cuts me off in traffic or gives me the stink eye at Wegman’s.  Boys!  Knock it off or Christmas is cancelled!  Do the words Naughty List mean anything to you?  Hey!  Jackhole!  Do you know what merge means? Where’s your effing Christmas spirit?! What is wrong with these people?!  It is the season of peace and love.  Sheesh.

#5 The ever-loving, God forsaken, put-my-head-in-the-oven, never-ending dark: Thank the good Lord that starting next week we get a minute or so more daylight every day, because the dark is making me stupid and sluggish.  And stupid.  I need one of those light visors like they used on Northern Exposure except I think one of the characters (Walt.  Yeah, I looked it up.) got hooked on it and they had to do an intervention or something.  I would totally get hooked on it.  Also, Pickles has about 15 minutes of daylight after school to play outside or walk the dog before it is pitch black, and getting out of my comfy warm bed in the morning is like pulling my feet out of six inches of sucking mud.  Yes, the dark is sucking mud.

Much of the Christmas season is lots more fun.  There are O’Henry Bars to be made, Sugar Plums to dance in the Shorties heads, little trains to set up and drive around the tree, and the occasional party to crash.  I am going to focus myself on that stuff now.  In the spirit of Christmas, of course!

Photo Credits:  LED lights from christmasdesigners.com, who have the audacity to sell them.  The snowy backyard and Doodle Dog pics are all me.

About Adventures From Cloud 8

I am a stay at home mom who now and again sneaks away to be an in-home family therapist. My husband and I have 3 boys: Sweet Pea (12), Pickles (9) and Pumpkin Pie (4). Oh yeah. We have Doodle Dog, too. You guessed it! He’s a boy. At least he pees outside.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Funny Parenting Blog and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Things About Christmas That Displease Me: A List.

  1. skittle-Beth says:

    hahaha i’m just ready for it to be here already….i’m DONE with this shopping and the music on the radio…grrrr! i will happily celebrate it with everyone at mamaws then i’mma count down days ’til spring. i keep walkin outside and thinking
    ‘ew….gross…cold.’ -Bah humbug

  2. Pingback: Holy Crapola! Our Van Broke Down on Christmas! | Adventures From Cloud 8

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s