Another Open Letter to the Shorties: Mostly About Food.

There still seems to be some additional confusion around here and it is time to clear a few more things up before I blow a gasket.  Most, but not all, of the issues today surround eating.

1.  The little silver lever on the side of the toilet is a new fangled invention that flushes away things in the bowl.  Try it.  It’s revolutionary.

If you eat too many of these, you will need to refer to #1. Because of #2.

2.  When Daddy buys you a container of Icebreaker sugar-free mints as a reward for being good at Home Depot while he buys a saw, please don’t eat the entire package.  You will be sorry.  Very, very sorry.

3.  Fiber One bars follow similar rules as Ice Breakers.  They are for old people, you can’t handle that kind of fiber.  Trust me.

4.  If you are hungry, eat an apple.  All three of you really like apples so there are always some in the fridge.  Always.  Do NOT ask me for a snack until and unless you have already had one.

This is an apple. Eat it.

5.If you are hungry and you can see me cooking dinner, then it is too close to dinner to have a snack and you will just have to wait.  Seriously, we have gone over this, I am not going to stop making dinner to make you a snack which will make it take even longer to get dinner on the table.

6.  If you do not love what I have painstakingly cooked you for dinner, please do not make vomiting or gagging noises, or loudly declare, “EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW”.  Eat it or don’t, it’s your choice.  Just spare us the drama.

7.  If you are hungry after dinner and did not eat your dinner, you do not need to tell me that you are hungry.  I actually cooked dinner with this exact thing in mind.  See #4.

This is Farrell's "Pig's Trough" dessert. Your dessert should contain slightly less ice cream than this. To give you an idea of the scale, I believe this is being served in a metal cast of Andre the Giant's shoe.

8.  When you have asked and been given your parent’s blessing to have some ice cream, please make sure the container you fill is not large enough to use to bathe Doodle Dog.  That is probably too much ice cream for a regular day.

9. Please keep your food in the kitchen.  I know this isn’t every family’s rule, but in the interest of avoiding rodent infestation and the even more rapid destruction of our furniture, keep it contained to one room.  I will know if you try to sneak, too.

10.  I know you are hungry, have an apple.

(Image credits:  Icebreakers from, Pig’s Trough from, Apple from wikipedia.)

About Adventures From Cloud 8

I am a stay at home mom who now and again sneaks away to be an in-home family therapist. My husband and I have 3 boys: Sweet Pea (12), Pickles (9) and Pumpkin Pie (4). Oh yeah. We have Doodle Dog, too. You guessed it! He’s a boy. At least he pees outside.
This entry was posted in feeding your children, Funny Parenting Blog, Parenting Boys and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Another Open Letter to the Shorties: Mostly About Food.

  1. Kitchenboss says:

    Phew, we can relate to SO many of these. #5 is a constant in our house, a stranger would think our dramatic, youngest son is about to fall over from the starvation occurring at the same moment that dinner is being prepared. And no matter how hard we try, #4 rarely works, there’s always a reason why it or any other fruit in the house is not the right snack, ranging from a loose tooth to it’s “too much work, I don’t have enough energy”. Items that are bathroom-related, in addition to #1, include washing hands WITH soap, rehanging the towel (or at least keeping it OFF the floor) and brushing teeth without being reminded.

  2. I love the “it’s too much work” about an apple. Really? Run it under some water and eat it. How taxing is that?

  3. Nannette says:

    wait till they are teenagers, the boy comes home from school eats a cheese steak (that he cooks him self , yipeee, but doesn’t clean up, booo) then walks to Burger King and has a bite to eat before arriving at the dinner table, STARVING!!!! Don’t get me started on omlets before bed.

  4. N- I can NOT imagine Sweet Pea cooking anything in my kitchen. He would make such a horrific mess I would likely ban him for life and he would have to resort to eating cereal out of the box up in his bed.

  5. Pingback: An Actual Conversation: Please and Thank You | Adventures From Cloud 8

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