There still seems to be some
additional confusion around here and it is time to clear a few more things up before I blow a gasket. Most, but not all, of the issues today surround eating.
1. The little silver lever on the side of the toilet is a new fangled invention that flushes away things in the bowl. Try it. It’s revolutionary.
2. When Daddy buys you a container of Icebreaker sugar-free mints as a reward for being good at Home Depot while he buys a saw, please don’t eat the entire package. You will be sorry. Very, very sorry.
3. Fiber One bars follow similar rules as Ice Breakers. They are for old people, you can’t handle that kind of fiber. Trust me.
4. If you are hungry, eat an apple. All three of you really like apples so there are always some in the fridge. Always. Do NOT ask me for a snack until and unless you have already had one.
5.If you are hungry and you can see me cooking dinner, then it is too close to dinner to have a snack and you will just have to wait. Seriously, we have gone over this, I am not going to stop making dinner to make you a snack which will make it take even longer to get dinner on the table.
6. If you do not love what I have painstakingly cooked you for dinner, please do not make vomiting or gagging noises, or loudly declare, “EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW”. Eat it or don’t, it’s your choice. Just spare us the drama.
7. If you are hungry after dinner and did not eat your dinner, you do not need to tell me that you are hungry. I actually cooked dinner with this exact thing in mind. See #4.
8. When you have asked and been given your parent’s blessing to have some ice cream, please make sure the container you fill is not large enough to use to bathe Doodle Dog. That is probably too much ice cream for a regular day.
9. Please keep your food in the kitchen. I know this isn’t every family’s rule, but in the interest of avoiding rodent infestation and the
even more rapid destruction of our furniture, keep it contained to one room. I will know if you try to sneak, too.
10. I know you are hungry, have an apple.