An Actual Conversation: Cheese

I was going to take this expensive French cheese for Book Club, but instead, I think Pumpkin Pie will have it for lunch.

Pumpkin Pie loves cheese.  Who doesn’t, really?  Oh, wait!  I know who doesn’t love cheese, either of my other kids, that’s who.  Pumpkin Pie loves parmesan on pasta, beans, and straight out of the container.  He samples every kind of cheese the cheese shop at Wegman’s has to offer  (you know, for free) and loves it when I bring the leftover brie home from Book Club.  He likes cheddar melted on tortilla chips and has sampled sting cheese.  But his best and favorite is the white American they give kids for free at the grocery store deli.

I am going to have to get my own deli slicer and buy this "cheese" in bulk.

Really?  Blech.  I hate American cheese.  Only Americans would do that to cheese.  Cheese has been around since before recorded history and that whole time, there has never been any widely eaten cheese as horrific as American cheese.  (Except Velveeta, of course).  Blech!  It’s gummy and plasticy and wicked processed.  Nasty.  But…  It’s Pumpkin Pie’s best and favorite.

For a long time I called that nasty white crap cheese “deli cheese” b/c that’s the only time he got it.  He asked if we could bring some home and I told him you can’t actually buy deli cheese.  It only comes free, one slice at a time.  Well, after a year or so of unmitigated glee every time he got a free sample at the deli, and a dozen pounds of turkey that I bought when I didn’t need it just so he could get a slice of white velvety goo goodness, I finally caved.  I now stock deli cheese all the stinking time.  And it makes Pumpkin Pie very happy.  I made him a cheese sandwich yesterday and in his cheese-intoxication, we had a conversation:

Pumpkin Pie:  I wish I could buy 16 bags of deli cheese.

Me:  You know I did buy that cheese you are eating at the store yesterday.

Pumpkin Pie:  Yeah, but I want to buy 16 big bags of it.

Me:  They actually sell it buy how much it weighs, not by the bag.  I bought you a half of a pound.

Imagine two of these made entirely out of cheese. Now you know what I am dealing with.

Pumpkin Pie:  How much do 2 giant redwoods weigh?

Me:  I am not sure…  Why?…  Oh.  Is that how much cheese you want?

Pumpkin Pie (eyes closed, groaning with the imagined ecstasy of possessing that much cheese):  Yeeeessss.

(Image Credits:  Cheeses from, The General, which is the biggest tree on the planet, from Wikipedia.)

About Adventures From Cloud 8

I am a stay at home mom who now and again sneaks away to be an in-home family therapist. My husband and I have 3 boys: Sweet Pea (12), Pickles (9) and Pumpkin Pie (4). Oh yeah. We have Doodle Dog, too. You guessed it! He’s a boy. At least he pees outside.
This entry was posted in American Cheese, feeding your children, Funny Parenting Blog, Parenting Boys, Pumpkin Pie and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to An Actual Conversation: Cheese

  1. Nannette says:

    girl…..I was making an omelet last night, fresh spinich, salsa and american cheese. I was thinking how much I love american cheese, it is so creamy and delish, I even ask for it on Italian hoagies to replace the gross, plastic provalone cheese most deli’s use. I was even wondering if they sell it in Europe and if they love it as much as I do.
    Grilled cheese w/ american and tomato soup??? OMG!!!
    And when has there ever been leftover brie after bookclub?

    • How about grilled cheese with cheddar? Waaaaaay better texture. And what are you talking about?! Provolone is delicious! If you want creamy, get Brie. The little bit I had left over at book club I had to scrape out of the left-behind rind. He loved it!

  2. Erin says:

    I am with you on American cheese. Blech.

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