Pumpkin Pie loves cheese. Who doesn’t, really? Oh, wait! I know who doesn’t love cheese, either of my other kids, that’s who. Pumpkin Pie loves parmesan on pasta, beans, and straight out of the container. He samples every kind of cheese the cheese shop at Wegman’s has to offer (you know, for free) and loves it when I bring the leftover brie home from Book Club. He likes cheddar melted on tortilla chips and has sampled sting cheese. But his best and favorite is the white American they give kids for free at the grocery store deli.
Really? Blech. I hate American cheese. Only Americans would do that to cheese. Cheese has been around since before recorded history and that whole time, there has never been any widely eaten cheese as horrific as American cheese. (Except Velveeta, of course). Blech! It’s gummy and plasticy and wicked processed. Nasty. But… It’s Pumpkin Pie’s best and favorite.
For a long time I called that nasty white
crap cheese “deli cheese” b/c that’s the only time he got it. He asked if we could bring some home and I told him you can’t actually buy deli cheese. It only comes free, one slice at a time. Well, after a year or so of unmitigated glee every time he got a free sample at the deli, and a dozen pounds of turkey that I bought when I didn’t need it just so he could get a slice of white velvety goo goodness, I finally caved. I now stock deli cheese all the stinking time. And it makes Pumpkin Pie very happy. I made him a cheese sandwich yesterday and in his cheese-intoxication, we had a conversation:
Pumpkin Pie: I wish I could buy 16 bags of deli cheese.
Me: You know I did buy that cheese you are eating at the store yesterday.
Pumpkin Pie: Yeah, but I want to buy 16 big bags of it.
Me: They actually sell it buy how much it weighs, not by the bag. I bought you a half of a pound.
Pumpkin Pie: How much do 2 giant redwoods weigh?
Me: I am not sure… Why?… Oh. Is that how much cheese you want?
Pumpkin Pie (eyes closed, groaning with the imagined ecstasy of possessing that much cheese): Yeeeessss.
(Image Credits: Cheeses from Wegmans.com, The General, which is the biggest tree on the planet, from Wikipedia.)