An Actual Conversation: Banana Stamps

USPS, I am starting to understand why it may go out of business.

Pumpkin Pie and I were in line at the post office today.  You would have thought it was the last mailing day before Christmas because there were a bazillion people there and there was, count ’em, ONE clerk.  What do they even call themselves anymore?  Postal Clerical Associate?  Mail Helper?  Parcel Guide?  Letter Attendant?  Whatever, there was only one of them helping people.  There were other Uniformed Paid Postal Employees milling about, but of course they weren’t helping out in any way that might get the line moving in the right direction.

Pumpkin Pie and I were number seven in a line of 13 hopeful souls waiting to send stuffed animals to their nephews for their birthdays, clear up some late tax issues, or overnight medical records to their son’s intended college (I may have peeked at my line-mates stuff).  The woman being waited on at the counter had lots of certified, insured, far off types of mailing and her bill was $587.  Nope.  Not joking.  I know, what a sucky way to spend money.  So we were all in line and everyone (except me and Pumpkin Pie, of course) was groaning because she was taking soooooooo long to get her crap mailing done.  Then this happened:

Lady:  Okay that is the last one to mail.

Crowd:  (Audible sigh)

Postmistress:  Okay.  That will be $587.  While you are here, do you need any stamps or any other supplies?

Lady:  Oh.  Hmmmmmmmm.  Let me see…

At this point the crowd, in unison, screamed OH MY GAWD LADIES!  WOULD PUH-LEASE YOU GET THIS OVER WITH!!!  But, I may have imagined that.

Lady:  I need some stamps.

Postmistress:  Okay.  Would you like 44 cent stamps or forever stamps…

Lady:  Hmmmm…

Postmistress (showing her a nice collection of stamps):  I have flags, leaves, pine cones…

Lady:  Do you have any banana stamps?

Postmistress:  Uh, this is all I have. 

Lady:  I’ll take the flags.

I thought the lady in front of me was going to leap out of the line and throttle Lady and Apathetic Postmistress.  Personally, I was fantasizing about driving to the nearest grocery store, buying a banana, driving back to the PO and beating that woman to death with it.  Luckily, there was no gratuitous fruit wasting bloodshed and we only had to wait 35 minutes to mail our package.  Awesome.