Parking Manners for Grownups

A while back, we talked about manners for kids.  This summer I have been faced with numerous opportunities to think about parking manners for asshats grownups.  In the interest of me not *accidently* keying your car everyone’s sanity, I have compiled a list:

Just sayin'.

It may be more convenient for you to make your own parking place in the middle of the cross walk while the rest of us are waiting in line at drop off/pick up for (insert the name of child’s activity), but tough noogies.  All of us are in the same boat.  You and the child in your car are not more important than the rest of us, despite what you may think.  Unless you have some sort of disability, hungry newborn in the car, or a wild animal chasing you, this is asshat behavior so knock it off.

I understand that it’s hot out.  It is actually the same temperature for the rest of us that it is for you.  So, mother in the silver minivan, when you drive across the playground at the school to be closer to the door to drop your kid off at Morning Fun while the rest of us are walking across it from the parking lot, you are being an asshat.

That's right, middle-aged sleeveless t-shirt guy in the blue pickup. This is what happens when you park in the spot for shoppers with little kids.

I realize that you are in a hurry.  But unless you are going to Wegman’s to buy water to put out your hair that is on fire, you had better not park in the “parent with young child” parking spots.  I am serious.  You would never EVER do that if you had been in the unenviable position of having to grocery shop with a baby or young child.  It sucks and those close parking spots are the only thing standing between those young children having food and having to eat food-colored crayons, so back the eff off.  I propose that any child-less shopper who parks there be forced to complete their shopping trip with a large, angry toucan who knows swear words and a live, ravenous octopus strapped to their chest in a baby bjorn.  So there.

Now that I have cleared all that up, happy parking, people.

(Image Credits:  Asshat hat available at cafepress here, Octopus sign from an extremely funny blog you should check out here.)