Every time I take the shorties to see the dentist, the dentist gets a solemn look on his face and reminds me that they will need extensive orthodonture. Something about a deep bite that they inherited from one of their parents (that would be me) and if it isn’t addressed their bottom teeth would eventually break off. For a while, we weren’t sure about Pumpkin Pie. But at his most recent checkup the dentist said, Oh, yes. He has it too. Then he patted my arm kindly the way you would the bereaved at a funeral, looked me in the eyes and added, I am so sorry.
So, one of the many reasons I went back to work was to finance the upcoming amount of metal that will be going into the Mulder family mouths. And, it is not just the kids. I had braces as a teenager which
sucked huge was awesome and the way that orthodontists did things back then when dinosaurs ruled the earth, it had the unfortunate effect of creating jaw problems for me as an adult. What can I say, you could only do so much with wooden braces. Because this was back before humans had discovered metal. Long story short, if I don’t want to continue with a life of not being able to bite my teeth together, I have to get braces. Again. Because that it not at all annoying. Or financially ruinous.
So this week Sweet Pea steps up to the plate to get his braces on. As any of you know who have put yourself or a child in braces, it will cost a lot of money. Then in January it is my turn. It will cost the same as Sweet Pea’s (I think she did give us a decent pity discount, which I happily accepted.) As a result of this financial
trauma situation, we have changed to a braces currency. For example:
Me: The kitchen door and storm door need to be replaced at some point.
Husband: Ugh. What does that cost?
Me: Ummmm, close to 20% of braces.
Husband: Maybe next year.
Or like this:
Husband (reading the sunday Best Buy ad): I thought this tv was $540, but it really costs more than braces.
Me: The tv we have now is already paid for, unlike braces.
Me: Look at Sweet Pea’s awesome smile! It will be looking even more awesome starting next week.
Husband: You know what would look even better than that?
Husband: Several thousand dollars in the bank.
I suspect there will be more on this later…