Yesterday I had 45 minutes to run out and buy a much-needed bra to replace the two I threw out because they were old and stretched out and the girls deserve better than that. Wearing my usual uniform of a sweater, jeans and my favorite warm and awesome black boots, I headed out to Kohls. It was a precision strike and I headed straight to the lingerie area when I was distracted by a cute top that would match my blue pants. I grabbed one in my size and was returned on my path to the Maidenforms when I overheard someone in the nearby dressing room.
Unknown Kohl’s Shopper (loudly addressing friend in the dressing room while walking toward me): I just don’t like the way those look on you. They don’t look goo- um, they don’t show off your figure!
Unknown Kohl’s Shopper(To me): What kind of jeans are those?
Of course! Why didn't I buy a special product that would keep my pants tucked securely into my pants? Oh, right. Because it's stupid.
Me (looking around b/c I don’t understand why she is talking to me): Huh?
UKS: What kind of jeans are those? Boot leg?
Me: No. They are tapered so they can fit into the boots.
Unknown Kohl’s Shopper whom I shall rename Rude Kohl’s Shopper: Okay, see how they are bunching up at your knees? Right here (pointing at my knees). That is what I am talking about (to her friend). You don’t want this.
Me: (silence)
Rude Kohl’s Shopper: My friend is looking for jeans to wear with boots.
Me (inspecting my knees): I tucked mine into my socks, but… You have to get the tight skinny jeans for that and I am not comfortable in those.
Rude Kohl’s Shopper’s (now embarrassed) Friend: Me, neither.
Rude Kohl’s Shopper started to say something else, but having been humiliated enough for the day, I walked away. I headed over to try on bras because nothing is better for a woman’s self-esteem than staring at her bare breasts in the cold harsh fluorescent lighting of a Kohl’s dressing room.
I just hope when I am featured in the back pages of Cosmo’s Fashion Don’t section, they have the decency to black bar my eyes.
Look! Another product to buy and then lose in your drawer!
I am opening a forum. Please feel free to leave a comment as to what I could, nay should have said to Rude Kohl’s Shopper. I was dumbstruck at the time and dropped the snark ball. I have had a few ideas since, but it will do my self-esteem some good to hear from you all. Please, help me right this wrong even if it is only here in this nice safe space. Bring it!!
I can always buy new jeans but you, I fear, will always be rude.
Devastating side-eye and a, “Really?” then walk away.
I have been thinking lately about how to respond to morons who feel the need to inform you of their stupid opinions. I have come to the conclusion that Amy Poehler’s response to Jimmy Fallon from this excerpt of Tina Fey’s excellent Bossypants is the best approach: http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/top_right/2011/07/we_didnt_come_to_saturday_night_live_to_be_cute.html
Redaction of profanity optional.
Amen, sisters!!
I might have just yelled “STRANGER DANGER” and then casually walked away.
Nice one!
Oooh! I just thought of another! “I have this problem because I have very thin knees. (Glance at her knees) You should be fine, though.”
That’s a good burn. LOL But you would run the risk of further engaging her.