An Actual Conversation: Fashion Stop at Kohl’s

Yesterday I had 45 minutes to run out and buy a much-needed bra to replace the two I threw out because they were old and stretched out and the girls deserve better than that.  Wearing my usual uniform of a sweater, jeans and my favorite warm and awesome black boots, I headed out to Kohls.  It was a precision strike and I headed straight to the lingerie area when I was distracted by a cute top that would match my blue pants.  I grabbed one in my size and was returned on my path to the Maidenforms when I overheard someone in the nearby dressing room.

Unknown Kohl’s Shopper (loudly addressing friend in the dressing room while walking toward me):  I just don’t like the way those look on you.  They don’t look goo- um, they don’t show off your figure!

Unknown Kohl’s Shopper(To me):  What kind of jeans are those?

Of course! Why didn't I buy a special product that would keep my pants tucked securely into my pants? Oh, right. Because it's stupid.

Me (looking around b/c I don’t understand why she is talking to me):  Huh?

UKS: What kind of jeans are those?  Boot leg?

Me:  No.  They are tapered so they can fit into the boots.

Unknown Kohl’s Shopper whom I shall rename Rude Kohl’s Shopper:  Okay, see how they are bunching up at your knees?  Right here (pointing at my knees).  That is what I am talking about (to her friend).  You don’t want this.

Me: (silence)

Rude Kohl’s Shopper:  My friend is looking for jeans to wear with boots.

Me (inspecting my knees):  I tucked mine into my socks, but…  You have to get the tight skinny jeans for that and I am not comfortable in those.

Rude Kohl’s Shopper’s (now embarrassed) Friend:  Me, neither.

Rude Kohl’s Shopper started to say something else, but having been humiliated enough for the day, I walked away.  I headed over to try on bras because nothing is better for a woman’s self-esteem than staring at her bare breasts in the cold harsh fluorescent lighting of a Kohl’s dressing room.

I just hope when I am featured in the back pages of Cosmo’s Fashion Don’t section, they have the decency to black bar my eyes.

Look! Another product to buy and then lose in your drawer!

I am opening a forum.  Please feel free to leave a comment as to what I could, nay should have said to Rude Kohl’s Shopper.  I was dumbstruck at the time and dropped the snark ball.  I have had a few ideas since, but it will do my self-esteem some good to hear from you all.  Please, help me right this wrong even if it is only here in this nice safe space.  Bring it!!

(Image Credits:  BootStraps available at sageclothing.com here. Stirrupz available at lorisshoes.com here.  Buy them both so you don’t have the same fashion disaster I did.  Save yourselves, people.)