I Have Freaking Ringworm In The Middle of My Freaking Face

You read right.  In the middle of my freaking face.  Bullseye!  How does this happen?  I have no idea.  When Husband found out he asked, “Did you get it from the dog?  Where have you been putting your face?”  Whuck?  Why, up the dogs butt, of course! No, actually my face has been here attached to my head this whole time.

Not where I got ringworm.

It all started with this awful cold weather.  My skin is all dry and itchy and when I used some of my fabulous expensive moisturizer, half of my face broke out in an ugly red rash.  In my face’s defense, this cream is a couple of years old and obviously I need to throw it out.  I put hydrocortisone on the blotchiness that is my face and it got better.

A day or two later, I had a red spot on the bridge of my nose that I thought was old-moisturizer rash again.  My girlfriend Wendy suggested I put a little anti-fungal on there and I pooh-poohed her, I don’t have RINGWORM on my face!  That would be heinous and disgusting! I put the hydrocortisone on it for a couple of days, but it stayed there.  It also started to look freakishly ring-shaped.  Crap.  Either ringworm or Lyme Disease.  Hmmm…  Which to hope for…  I tried the anti-funkal cream and the ring was gone by the next morning.  Ringworm it is!  (Note:  I called the vet about the dog and she told me what doggie ringworm looks like.  Doodle Dog is fungus-free.  Unless I give it to him, of course.)

This is when I started freaking out.  I wasn’t itchy until I started to use the anti-funkal.  It made me itch like there were WORMS under my skin!  But there were worms under your skin! you may say.  Au contraire.  Ringworm is a fungus which means that there are actually little mushrooms under my skin and that isn’t nearly as gross.  Except that it

Get out the Purel, Lady Macbeth.

IS just as gross!!  I was washing my hands like Lady Macbeth every time I had to scratch my face or thought I might have scratched my face, or thought about my face.  I started using other things to scratch my face.  A tissue or curled up piece of paper which I wrapped up like biohazard and threw away, or a washcloth which I wrapped up like biohazard and threw away put straight into the laundry.  I was changing my pillowcases like Shannen Doherty and Purel was my new best friend in the car.  I am by no means a germophobe, but the idea of having this fungus amongus gave me some serious OCD.

After a week, I couldn’t take the itching any more and stopped the cream even though you are supposed to use it for a month.  My skin looked totally normal.  Three days later it was back just like Carol Ann said in Poltergeist.  I called the doctor and he looked at my skin (from several feet away, the coward) and gave me some real medicine.

I noticed after a sunny day of running errands that the red spot was redder where my sunglasses were sitting right up against it!! Now, of course I have been Purelling all of my glasses and sunglasses.  I bet that is where I got it to begin with!  I bet I dropped my sunglasses on the dog’s butt something funky and then put them on my face where they sat up against the bridge of my nose and got all sweaty and ringworm-friendly and POW!  Fungus amongus.

These look like *normal* sunglasses, but they are teeming with microscopic nasties. That's why I Purel mine constantly. Until I lose them in the street.

Like Kate+8, I tend to put my sunglasses up on my head when I am in and out of the preschool, grocery store, doctor’s office to get funk cream, etc…  Do you see where I am going with this?  OH MY GAWD!! AM I GOING TO HAVE FREAKING RINGWORM IN MY FREAKING HAIR?!?!?!  So now I have an entirely new thing to obsess about.  How do I Purell my hair?  At least I don’t have to worry about Purelling my sunglasses, because if I can’t put them on my head, I will simply lose them immediately.  Problem solved.